Thanksgiving

It’s the end of the Thanksgiving weekend.
A much different one for me.
Not only am I away from home.
But more significantly, it’s the first major holiday without my father.
He died a few short months ago.
Although he lived to be 96 and his passing was not unexpected, the memory of how and when he died is still quite raw and painful.

This weekend it hit me💔
That’s the way it is with grief and loss.
It can go underground and disappear off our emotional radar, then suddenly it lunges back to the surface, as harsh and cutting as ever.

Dad was the patriarch of our family and my father for 67 years.
It’s hard to fully put into words what his life and death have meant to me.
Our relationship was far from perfect.
He could be moody and short-tempered, as I can be.
His anger was alarming on occasion.
It was not easy to challenge his opinion, nor resolve an argument in full.
There were times that we were visibly uneasy with one another. I would struggle to hold on to myself, unsure of the expectations, and wondering if I would ‘measure up’?

But that was just a small part of him.
The other part was far larger and deeper.
He was kind, generous, and caring.
Thoughtful beyond measure.
Constantly showing interest in family, friends, or a passing stranger…with good questions or timely phone calls.
He had a strong work ethic, as our family provider, household ‘Dad-of-all-Trades’, or as a community/church volunteer.
And he carried a mischievous sense of humour wherever he went.
Then came an impromptu Sunday night phone a few weeks before he died, to ‘review’ all the things in my life that he was proud of and thankful for. I had more than measured up as his son.

Each of those fabulous traits (and others) have influenced and stayed with me, not just the Art Postons style of comedy😎
My challenge, in these early months of loss, has been to find a way to allow the good memories to ground me, while intentionally letting go of the more hurtful and distressing ones that can take hold and pull me under.

And having reflected on it, I needed this Thanksgiving holiday to remind me of the value of GRATITUDE as both an essential relational and life skill, as well as an important element in the grieving process.

There is an ancient saying:
“Death has nothing to do with going away.
The sun sets and the moon sets.
But they are not gone”…Rumi

I am thankful for my Dad.
He will never ever be fully gone from me💕

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!